I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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