tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
only if we run a train.
done.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
