When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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