ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
