Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
A bitchslap is in order.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
