I didn't shave. On purpose
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
