I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize