Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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