i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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