In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
