Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
