so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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