even my farts smell like vagina
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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