Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The uberlube is also flammable
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
