guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
