the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
