How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
