I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
