theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
