My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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