I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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