I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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