we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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