he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
