Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
