I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
