y did u give ur computer a hand job?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize