Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Even my vagina gasped.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
