My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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