I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
