Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
