are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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