yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
