I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
