I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
