I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
