I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
