does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
