I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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