how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
