I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
