with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
