the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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