Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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