And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
