Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
