I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
