I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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