Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
