dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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