I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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