Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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