Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
