At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
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