I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
