So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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