You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
