Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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