pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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