you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
