he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
