I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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