it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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