She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
two words...techno handjob
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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