Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
