grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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