May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
