If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
