I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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