I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
