Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize