If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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