Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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