DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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