What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
