It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
