Nicole vs. Life
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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