I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
