Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
