I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
