After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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