i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
