She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
