It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
