Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
