my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
