how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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