it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
