I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
