I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
