So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
