it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
