Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
