He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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