the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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