Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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