if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
