Me too!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
