Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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