We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
