Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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