I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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